M&M’s Kart Racing Review
After revisiting and reviewing one of my favorite games of all time (Mario Strikers Charged), I only found it fair to do the same with one of my least favorite and worst games of all time: M&M’s Kart Racing. I almost feel bad for reviewing this monstrosity, for it is obviously a cheap, shovelware Wii title and virtually too easy to negatively review (don’t ask me why I own it), but at the same time, apparently seven of these titles starring the M&Ms were developed, which is simply unforgivable but also mind-blowing.
With the M&M brand being the only selling point, M&M’s Kart Racing is abhorrent in all departments. The first hints of this low-budget abomination’s delights are seen immediately in the muddy graphics — the closest resemblance being the entrance gates to hell. The textures in this game are ugly as sin and every background is an eyesore. It also doesn’t help that the races have a constant, glitchy flow and crappy physics.
It is hard to determine whether the selection of 15 courses in M&M’s Kart Racing is a blessing or a curse. It could qualify as a blessing because there are only a brief 15, or it could qualify as a curse for the following reasons. Every single course in this game is outrageously dull and abysmally designed. Heck, even the course names themselves are blatantly generic (Forest, The House, The Beach). The landscapes are often completely empty with no off-road hazard to speak of. Entire courses can be spent gliding on the inside. When the courses aren’t busy being monotonously bare, the obstacles are designed impossibly tight and sloppy. Running into a wall is a devastation — there’s no “reverse” control. Your best bet is turning until you’re unstuck.
Speaking of controls, the four functions in this game are designed unsurprisingly lousy. First, you have the acceleration, which is fine — I guess? Next, you have your motion-controlled turning which somehow feels both too sensitive and not sensitive enough (I was going to lash on how this game was mimicking Mario Kart Wii at the time, but M&M’s surprisingly came out a year before). Then, there’s the extremely sensitive and barely useful “jump” function. And last is the totally unnecessary “wheelie” function, where the inutility explains itself.
Dynamically speaking, M&M’s Kart Racing is void of any hint of creativity or imagination. It is practically sensible through the game that the developers weren’t even trying and that they’re aware of it. Most of the time spent with this game I had my elbow propped on my knee, hand under my chin, right thumb held on the “2" button while my right arm robotically steered left and right, and my jaw drooping open. You’d be hard-pressed to find a better image for describing this game in a nutshell.
The A.I. are some the dumbest and slowest (in more ways than one) I’ve ever seen — I chose “hard” mode and wasn’t even touched. You know how I said running into a wall is devastating? Not even running into three walls will keep you from getting first place while facing these moronic, chocolate goons. Just pick the fastest car and you are guaranteed first place.
Ultimately, M&M’s Kart Racing is a horrendously cursed video game, where its movie equivalent is a 2nd grader’s YouTube Channel. It manages to laughably somehow have frame problems, and the annoying sound effects and voice lines don’t help give the game any remote personality. Every facet is god-awful, and it is simply one of the worst video games of all time.
“APPROACHING SOUND BARRIER!”
1/10
